What if Operating Systems Ran Airlines?

Most of this list was pbulished in the September '94 issue of Open Computing

DOS Airline

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then push again, jump on again, and so on.

DOS with QEMM Airline

The same thing as the DOS Airline, but with more leg room to push.

OS/2 Airline

To board your plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill out a form showing where you want to sit and whether it should look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train, or a bus. If you succeed in getting on board the plane and the plane succeeds in getting off the ground, you have a wonderful trip ... except for the times when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in which case you have time to say your prayers and get yourself prepared for the crash.

Windows Airline

The airport terminal is nice and colorful with friendly stewards, easy access to the plane, an uneventful takeoff...then the plane blows up without any warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Airline

Everyone marches out onto the runway, says the password in unison, and forms the outline of an airplane. Then they all sit down and make a whooshing sound like they're flying.

MAC Airways

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look the same, act the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without you having to know, so just shut up.

Unix Airline

Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they're building.

Taligent Airline

You apply for a ticket 24 - 36 months in advance and must pay a large application fee. Then you are alerted that "exclusive" ticket slots are available on a first come first serve basis. There is no scheduled departure time for any of the flights but the "exclusive" ticket purchase will ensure that you get a seat on the first flight -- whenever.

After purchasing the "exclusive" ticket at extremely exorbitant prices you never hear from the Taligent Airline again. Feeling perturbed after 8 months you call the airline and ask about the status of your flight. You are informed of a "slight slip" in the take-off schedule and you are informed to call back in 6 months. At this point you are irate and the Taligent Airline offers a consolation. You are awarded a privileged "simulation" of what the flight would be like once they build the plane -- just stop by anytime.

Newton Airline

After buying your ticket 18 months in advance, you finally get to board the plane. Upon boarding the plane you are asked your name. After 46 times, the crew member recognizes your name and then you are allowed to take your seat. As you are getting ready to take your seat, the steward announces that you have to repeat the boarding process because they are out of room and need to re-count to make sure they can take more passengers.
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